So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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