TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
