Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
