At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
