i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
