I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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