god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
