No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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