What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
