This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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