I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
