I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
