i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize