Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
