she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
