I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are we still banned from the library?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
