She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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