So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
