I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
