I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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