Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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