Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
