The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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