Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize