I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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