when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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