Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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