i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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