Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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