Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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