Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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