Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
