Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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