Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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