I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize