I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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