i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
