I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
