He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize