She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
