If i come over, it means nothing
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
