Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
