So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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