Christians are straight up FREAKS
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
