There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
