Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
