One girl and one boy is just not enough.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
