dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
