I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
