The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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