Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?†This is time sensitive.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
