I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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