My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
