the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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