she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
