Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
