last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
its liver damage thursday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
