dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
