she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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