Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
