Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
