no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
