i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
