i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
