Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize