If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
