she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
