the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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